Hello there ….. my golden delicious apples.

I have come to treat you with yet another post ….. just because I know you love reading about my uneventful life.

To tell you the truth ….. these past few weeks I have been mourning the separation of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. I thought their love would last forever. And as it happens, there was also some sort of volcanic eruption or earthquake that occurred in India a few weeks ago ….. but who really cares about that.

Oh ….. but I kid. Not that a tsunami is a laughing matter or anything ….

Note to self: I’m such an ass

There’s much to talk about …. so on with the post!

demetri martin:
I would like to plug one of my absolute favorite comedians …. he goes by the name of Demetri Martin ….. and has quite the uncanny resemblence to Jason Schwartzman. He’s a writer on the Conan O’Brien Show and is also a Yale law school dropout. If Jack Handy and Mitch Hedberg had a love child, he would surely be as funny as Demetri Martin.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants – uh oh. Bathing suit – okay. Naked – we’ll see.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that …. but so is a drunk backseat passenger if he’s persuasive. 
   passenger: “Dude make a left”
   driver: “But … those are trees”
   passenger:*whispers* Trust me”

I don’t like pinatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. “Hey there’s a donkey with some pizzazz …. let’s kick its ass.” Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is “Don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did”.

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Another term for “balloon” is: bad breath holder.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says “go outside.”

I was in the cardstore the other day and they had cards that said “Get Well Soon” .. Screw that … “Get Well Now”


3 thoughts on “

  1. ahh you got into rutgers?! hehe.. congrats!! at least you’re going somewhere for college =P nah, jk. im sure you’ll get far in life. i just saw crazy/beautiful and i loveee it! alright, i’ve got finals this week.. but keep in touch loser! take care & God bless… your delicious golden apple in chicago 😛

  2. i am your ONLY DELICIOUS GOLDEN APPLE.  demetri is kinda ugly.  you forgot to include this joke of his:  “there are no such things as see-saws if you have fat friends…only catapults.”

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