Hello there ….. my golden delicious apples.
I have come to treat you with yet another post ….. just because I know you love reading about my uneventful life.
To tell you the truth ….. these past few weeks I have been mourning the separation of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. I thought their love would last forever. And as it happens, there was also some sort of volcanic eruption or earthquake that occurred in India a few weeks ago ….. but who really cares about that.
Oh ….. but I kid. Not that a tsunami is a laughing matter or anything ….
Note to self: I’m such an ass
There’s much to talk about …. so on with the post!
I would like to plug one of my absolute favorite comedians …. he goes by the name of Demetri Martin ….. and has quite the uncanny resemblence to Jason Schwartzman. He’s a writer on the Conan O’Brien Show and is also a Yale law school dropout. If Jack Handy and Mitch Hedberg had a love child, he would surely be as funny as Demetri Martin.
A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that …. but so is a drunk backseat passenger if he’s persuasive.
I don’t like pinatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. “Hey there’s a donkey with some pizzazz …. let’s kick its ass.” Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is “Don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did”.
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Another term for “balloon” is: bad breath holder.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says “go outside.”
I was in the cardstore the other day and they had cards that said “Get Well Soon” .. Screw that … “Get Well Now”