Yea … I’m a loser, I’m posting on a Saturday Night … a night that really should be dedicated to filling out college applications. And by filling out college applications, I mean doing the essays for college applications. And by doing the essays for college applications, I mean staring mindlessly at the screen at the question that you need to answer. And by staring mindlessly at the screen at the question that you need to answer, I mean procrastinating and posting on Xanga. AH HAH! I HAVE DEFEATED THE SYSTEM!


Now for some random thoughts ….


Contacts:
Word of advice …. when you wake up in the morning and go to the bathroom to put your contacts in … do not proceed to stick the contact that you clumsily dropped in toothpaste residue a few seconds ago into your eye. Your eye will water rapidly for a second or two and then dry up like a bitch afterwards …. so when you try to remove your dried-out contact, you’re not completely sure if what you are touching is actually the membrane of your EYE or the contact itself. Trust me … you do not want to try taking out what MIGHT be your contact when actuality is the membrane of your EYE. I speak with experience.


White Houses:
That new Vanessa Carlton song is actually pretty good … Catchy enough to spur movement in one’s limbs and set off a chain reaction of dance moves that include the robot and the ass-wave … the ass-wave being a different version of the booty-shake where your butt moves around in a circular motion as if you were painting an imaginary wall with your buttocks. And while you’re dancing it also sets off a chain of grunts, where the listener grunts “UH!” to each beat. And after a few minutes of displaying these motions and sounds … you realize that you’re alone in your room dancing to Vanessa Carlton, so you look around to see if anyone else has been watching you and you slowly stop and pretend that nothing ever happened … And by all means I am not admitting that I myself do this. Oh no of course not …. but I do have to admit that it is a magical song. It has the magical ability to make you feel a tremendous feeling of alienation to yourself and it makes you re-evaluate yourself as a human being. I fear that I am becoming a white chick … *stabs self in eye*


Bowflex:
Being the avid watcher of television, I come across many Bowflex commercials. These commercials stir up a certain feeling of anger inside of me and I have no clue why. If you are going to make a commercial for an exercise equipment, I want to see an extremely overweight/out-of-shape man using the machine and I want to see the fat magically disappear off of his body before my eyes. Not only would this make for a good commercial, but it would also be extremely entertaining watching an obese man exercise.


The Complex Life of a Six Year Old:
My journals as a six year old (neglecting to call them “diaries” in attempts to salvage all that’s left of my masculinity) prove to provide hours upon hours of laughter and entertainment. My entries would consist of me telling my journal of what I had eaten that day and what I had done… So taken out of context, one of my entries would go like …

“I ate a plum and a potato today … then I played video games and wrote in my journal”


And it would basically be the same exact entry for days and days to come until the time where I would occasionally go outside to play basketball. I also find it hilarious that while writing in my journal, I felt obligated to write that “I wrote in my journal today”. That, my friends, is a new all-time low for stupidity.



Random Thoughts
I enjoy eating my mother’s potato salad …. it is a gift from the Gods, even though it is the nutritional equivalent of injecting pure cholesterol into your arteries. Ohhh yesss … *drools*

The Postal Service sounds ten times better with headphones. And speaking of The Postal Service, their song “Such Great Heights” is being used in so many freaking commercials now. Watch out guys, they are breaking out into pop culture … *tear runs down cheek*



So I guess you guys are dying to find out how my first days of school went …. No you say? Are you sure? Okay then. I won’t bore you. I’ll talk about my weekend instead … I suppose that will have to suffice.


I went to Boston over the weekend to check out some colleges – mainly just to check out Boston College and Boston University …. but having asian parents, it was NECESSARY to check out Harvard and MIT even though I really have no interest in applying to those colleges (or chance in getting into those colleges I should say). I guess it was their own little way of coping with the fact that none of their children were smart enough to go there.


Harvard proves to be one of the most depressing campuses I’ve ever seen. There was just an air of evilness and darkness that overwhelmed the campus despite the beautiful weather that Boston had been experiencing that day. The campus was so barren and so boring … I imagine all of the students studying away in their rooms for a multiple-choice test the following morning on The True Meaning of Human Existence. Perhaps an excerpt from Conan O’Brien’s commencement speech to the graduating Harvard class of 2000 will better explain what Harvard is like.



 





Students of the Harvard class of 2000, 15 years ago I sat where you sit now. And I thought exactly what you are now thinking. What’s going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin? Still have 24 hours. Roommate’s mom very hot. Swear she’s checking me out. There was that Rob Lowe movie.

You see, in those days, I was 6 feet 4 inches tall and I weighed 150 pounds. True. Recently, I had some structural engineers run those numbers into a computer model, and according to the computer, I collapsed in 1987, killing hundreds in Taiwan.

After freshman year, I moved to Mather House. Mather House, incidentally, was designed by the same firm that built Hitler’s bunker. In fact, if Hitler had conducted the war from Mather House, he would have shot himself a year earlier. Saved us a lot of trouble.

There’s also sadness today. A feeling of loss that you’re leaving Harvard forever. Let me assure you that you never really leave Harvard. The Harvard fundraising committee will be on your ass until the day you die.

You see, kids, you’re in for a lifetime of “And you went to Harvard?” Accidentally give the wrong amount of change in a transaction, and it’s “And you went to Harvard?” Ask at the hardware store how the jumper cables work, and hear “And you went to Harvard?” Forget just once that your underwear goes inside your pants, and it’s “And you went to Harvard?” Get your head stuck in your niece’s doll house ’cause you want to see what it’s like to be a giant, and it’s “Uncle Conan, you went to Harvard?”

If you’ll indulge me for just a second, I’d like to read a little something from just this year. “Somehow, Conan O’Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the late-night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard, and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possibly the greatest host ever.”

Ladies and gentlemen, class of 2000, I wrote that this morning. As proof that when all else fails, you always have delusion. I will go now to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought. If you can laugh at yourself, loud and hard, every time you fall, people will think you’re drunk. Thank you.







And you thought the Garden State soundtrack was the must have for this summer …


Wicker Park Soundtrack Listings






































































1. Maybe Tomorrow – Stereophonics    
2. Everybody Is Somebody – Lifehouse (exclusive)    
3. A Movie Script Ending – Death Cab for Cutie (acoustic version)    
4. How to Be Dead – Snow Patrol    
5. Lover’s Spit – Broken Social Scene    
6. Retour A Vega – The Stills    
7. Flowers in December – Mazzy Star    
8. When the Day is Gone – The Legends    
9. When I Goosestep – The Shins (rare non album track)    
10. Light Switch – Jaime Wyatt    
11. These Days – Mates of State    
12. All I Do – +/-    
13. We All Have a Map of the Piano – Mum    
14. Against All Odds – Postal Service (rare non album track)    
15. Strange and Beautiful – Aqualung    
16. I Know You Are But What Am I? – Mogwai    
17. The Scientist – Johnette Napolitano & Danny Lohner (exclusive)    


So many freaking exclusive tracks …. *drools* . I’ll settle for the soundtrack instead of the movie thank you.